I am so confused about this whole process. I don't understand why my IUI was timed the way it was. I got LH surge on OPK at 6am and called the nurse, she scheduled the IUI for 11 am the next day and 11 am the following day. Doesn't that mean we missed the window? Also, my RE is not monitoring my bloodwork and has never done an U/S so how do they even know if I have good follies? My husbands S/A is only about 5-10% or 8 million washed, so what is the point in doing clomid/ IUI anyway? I thought that was considered severe male factor infertility and they would do IVF/ICSI.
I know that I am whining, I just think the 2ww is getting to me, and I still have another week to go. I took a HPT today on my lunch break (can you say obsessed), but it is only 8 days past O, so it was a BFN of course. I wish I hadn't done it though, I never ever want to see a BFN again. DH and I stopped trying for a few years, and the thought of seeing another BFN probably postponed getting back on the TTC train for a while. I just need to relax and get out of my head. I'm driving myself insane.
It was really good to hear that Katie got a BFP. That is the first BFP since I joined this board, so I am really happy for her. It restored my hope a little bit. (Thanks Katie)
My interest are really sparked with this OV watch, it sounds like a good scheme, a company preying on people who are going through a very difficult time, but what if?
Ok, I'm done rambling.
Thursday, April 2, 2009
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
TTC Obsession
Ok, So DH and I got back on the TTC wagon this month.
Since our RE appointment February 17, I have barely been able to think about anything else. Beginning Feb. 18 I started "nesting", I cleaned every freaking thing in my house from the ceilings down to the floors, inside and underneath everything. I threw away/ gave away over 20 large garden bags full of stuff. That worked as a distraction for a while, but there is nothing left in my house, it is empty and spotless. So for the past 4-5 weeks I honestly have not been able to spend more that 5 minutes focusing on anything. I am right now 8 days past O and the thought of waiting another week to do HPT is driving me crazy, but even more than that, the thought of getting a BFN (which I anticipate) and doing this whole process over again next month, and the damn waiting, Its driving me crazy.
My company really starts to pick up this time of year, and my work load increases drastically over the next few weeks and continues for 8 months. I can not focus on work at all. I spend the majority of my work hours reading about IF on the internet, early signs of PG, RE's, differnet treatments, IUI, IVF, ICSI. And as of late, I discovered the WebMD chat rooms, and many wonderful people, and of course this blogspot, and I am spending all of my days reading the stories of many of the women who are going through this as well. Some of them are very encouraging, but in truth, it is just feeding my obsession. I'm not sure how you all do it. If anyone out there has any tools or tricks for putting the TTC wait time out of your mind, please, let me know.
Since our RE appointment February 17, I have barely been able to think about anything else. Beginning Feb. 18 I started "nesting", I cleaned every freaking thing in my house from the ceilings down to the floors, inside and underneath everything. I threw away/ gave away over 20 large garden bags full of stuff. That worked as a distraction for a while, but there is nothing left in my house, it is empty and spotless. So for the past 4-5 weeks I honestly have not been able to spend more that 5 minutes focusing on anything. I am right now 8 days past O and the thought of waiting another week to do HPT is driving me crazy, but even more than that, the thought of getting a BFN (which I anticipate) and doing this whole process over again next month, and the damn waiting, Its driving me crazy.
My company really starts to pick up this time of year, and my work load increases drastically over the next few weeks and continues for 8 months. I can not focus on work at all. I spend the majority of my work hours reading about IF on the internet, early signs of PG, RE's, differnet treatments, IUI, IVF, ICSI. And as of late, I discovered the WebMD chat rooms, and many wonderful people, and of course this blogspot, and I am spending all of my days reading the stories of many of the women who are going through this as well. Some of them are very encouraging, but in truth, it is just feeding my obsession. I'm not sure how you all do it. If anyone out there has any tools or tricks for putting the TTC wait time out of your mind, please, let me know.
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
My first blog ever (2nd attempt)
Ok, well my first blog attempt was not very successful, but here it goes. This is my very first blog ever and I am very excited. I would like to say thank you to aj-day-by-day.blogspot.com for having the create a blog link on her page so that I was able to do this, otherwise I never would have known how. I think this whole blogging thing is a great idea, it is like journaling, but better, because it allows people to share their experience/ strength/ and hope with one another. I'm not quite sure how to make blog friends at this point, but if you're reading this, I guess I'm on the right path. It is so comforting to know that there are other people out there that are going through the journey of life and TTC like me, although I hope none of us stay in the TTC journey for too long.
My DH and I have been married since 6/2004. We have been TTC since we got engaged in 2002. I talked to Gyn in 2003 about not getting preggo, and she suggested we wait until after the wedding to start testing, which we did. Very soon after we married I switched to an OB/GYN and he refereed us to an RE. She ordered an entire workup. There were sooo many test, and it kind of ended there. Hubbys S/A's (like 10 of them) came back a little low, but not too bad. Everything seems to be ok with me. There were never any treatment options given to us. It got very discouraging, a bit depressing, and the whole process just kind of stopped. That was over 4 years ago. We are now back on the TTC train. We are seeing a new RE. We met for the first time in Feb, and he has moved forward very quickly with treatment. I am grateful that we do not have to repeat all of the testing again, I assumed we would since it has been so long. So far I have taken 50mg clomid CD 5-9. I got a positive OPK on CD 16, went in for IUI on CD 17 & 18. Hubby's # were still a bit low 8mil/ 10 mil washed. That is a bit of a concern for me, but I am truly grateful that we are moving forward with everything. Someone said on the WebMD site that it is like restoring hope, and that is exactly true, which to be completely honest, excites and terrifies me. It has been such a long time since I have allowed myself to want children. I always figured when we're ready, we'll go in for treatment, but the truth is that we've both been ready for several years, and that was just something I told myself, and my DH. I have a hard time giving up control of the situation. As long as it was my choice to NOT go in for treatment, then I had the power, as soon as I made the choice to go in for treatment, the power is no longer in my hands and that scares the s!%* out of me. But a baby is a gift from God, I know that and with or without treatment, it will happen when He's ready. It is out of my hands, and always was.
This is getting very long, I guess I had a lot to get off my chest. Thanks for listening.
Brooke
My DH and I have been married since 6/2004. We have been TTC since we got engaged in 2002. I talked to Gyn in 2003 about not getting preggo, and she suggested we wait until after the wedding to start testing, which we did. Very soon after we married I switched to an OB/GYN and he refereed us to an RE. She ordered an entire workup. There were sooo many test, and it kind of ended there. Hubbys S/A's (like 10 of them) came back a little low, but not too bad. Everything seems to be ok with me. There were never any treatment options given to us. It got very discouraging, a bit depressing, and the whole process just kind of stopped. That was over 4 years ago. We are now back on the TTC train. We are seeing a new RE. We met for the first time in Feb, and he has moved forward very quickly with treatment. I am grateful that we do not have to repeat all of the testing again, I assumed we would since it has been so long. So far I have taken 50mg clomid CD 5-9. I got a positive OPK on CD 16, went in for IUI on CD 17 & 18. Hubby's # were still a bit low 8mil/ 10 mil washed. That is a bit of a concern for me, but I am truly grateful that we are moving forward with everything. Someone said on the WebMD site that it is like restoring hope, and that is exactly true, which to be completely honest, excites and terrifies me. It has been such a long time since I have allowed myself to want children. I always figured when we're ready, we'll go in for treatment, but the truth is that we've both been ready for several years, and that was just something I told myself, and my DH. I have a hard time giving up control of the situation. As long as it was my choice to NOT go in for treatment, then I had the power, as soon as I made the choice to go in for treatment, the power is no longer in my hands and that scares the s!%* out of me. But a baby is a gift from God, I know that and with or without treatment, it will happen when He's ready. It is out of my hands, and always was.
This is getting very long, I guess I had a lot to get off my chest. Thanks for listening.
Brooke
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